I'm Sorry, I Don't Speak Man

Plumber arrived today. Halleluiah. And water has been restored.

I took plumber to the bathroom that’s under construction and pointed out where everything was going to go. Showers, sinks and toilets had all been marked out and Husband had drilled me on what I was to tell him and what I was to ask, since he wasn’t going to be here for plumber’s arrival. It was all going fine until plumber started reading from his own script. He was throwing question after question at me with words like “valves, pipe lines, drainage, systems”. My brain was spinning. I was in panic mode and my only thoughts were “oh shit”. I know he must have seen pure terror in my face, but he was still paused, waiting for answers. I was frozen. He repeated the questions again. Honestly, he could have repeated them all day long. Put them in a fancy poem, wrote a song, free styled it all and bust some moves and I still would not have understood.

In the mean time, electriction shows up. He too has a whole bunch of questions for me about wires, currents, voltage, breakers and lord knows what else. I’m in complete mental overload. My thoughts are racing and I think I feel a hot flush coming on. I need to get control.

“Ok, boys, as you can clearly see, I am a girl. Whatever you’re all asking me right now, I don’t know the answers to. I don’t understand. I don’t speak man. All I know is that I want a fabulous bathroom, with water that comes out when I turn the tap, a toilet that flushes when I push the knob and lights that come on when I flick the switch. Whatever you have to do to make all that happen, do it. Any other questions you may have, please, hold them until Husband, who speaks perfect man, comes back.”

As you can see they took me at my word and began to tear up my house. Ceilings were pulled down and walls were busted through. I can only hope it was all necessary and that they weren’t just having the craic, at my expense.


This is the ceiling in our foyer. Nice, hah?

This is the wall in the downstairs office. Bare in mind the bathroom is upstairs, but plumber assured me one of the pipes he needs to move, is running through here.

Fintan doesn't trust him and begins his own search for said pipe.