Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Perverts, Pistols & Alone Time

Its not news that both Husband and I travel a lot. I however, travel a lot less now that I’ve retired from competitive racing, but he, he’s still an agent, so his travel schedule remains intense especially during the summer months. Initially the staying at home while Husband globe trotted was very scary. As you may or may not have noticed, I have quite an imagination and a girl, home alone in a spacious house, with a lot of silence, is a ripe environment for such an imagination to kick into overdrive. 


Behind our house we have nothing but trees. Trees as far back as the eye can see and a big window in our sitting room which allows us to look out and appreciate said view of trees during daylight hours. However, once the dark rolls in you can see nothing, nothing but black and this was the problem. During the evenings as I sat watching mindless reality shows, I couldn’t shake the fear that I too was being watched. Watched by perverts. Perverts, who under the protection of darkness, were able to safely come out of where ever it is perverts hide during daylight hours and set up camp in the trees surrounding my house. Yes, in my mind they were living in some sort of Pervert Tree Community, similar to that of the Ewoks from the Star Wars movie, with specialized night vision equipment and plenty of snacks and fluids to help them through a long night of watching all the neighborhood females who were home alone.


It was very stressful and damn near impossible to watch TV in peace, but at least the TV did the job of drowning out any unknown house noises. Noises that forced me to sleep with Husbands starter pistol, from his coaching days, next to the bed so I could fool any pervert who managed to gain entry into thinking I was a women trained and not afraid to use a deadly weapon in order to defend herself. In reality, the only thing I could ever have done with my “deadly weapon” was start a race, but that was not for them to know.


However, nowadays I am not the same nervous wreck of years past. Now our house has become one with a revolving door of people coming, going and staying for days, weeks and months on end. Now there are times when I actually look forward to the occasions when I am home alone. Alone, with an audience of perverts watching over me as I go about my chores, sit at my computer, watch my mindless TV or participate in some girlie maintenance. Yes, as long as they stay within the confines for their little Pervert Tree Community and do nothing more than watch, then all will be well. They won’t hurt me and I won’t be forced to pull a starter pistol on them. 

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