That and the fact that it’s a brand new year can cause a girl to get overwhelmed in her own mind. Obviously this is the time when most of us are taking stock of our lives. Reflecting on the year just passed and planning new and improved ways to live and exist. I know we are already 9 days into 2008, so my evaluation is probably a little bit behind schedule, not a good sign for someone who is considering getting better organized as one of her resolutions. But I have travel and jet lag and the odd hangover acting in my defense.
Anyway, for the past 2 years I’ve being finding myself challenged by my own life. Why 2 years? Well, it been 2 years now since I retired as a professional track athlete and since then I have found it just one big struggle to figure out what it is I want to do. My whole life I’ve been an athlete. I started when I was 7 and competed all the way through Secondary School (Middle School & High School for my American friends) and College. Once I graduated from Waterford IT (big shout out to all there) I was at a level where I was good enough to turn professional and compete for my country and I did that for 10 amazing, emotional, successful, full of the highs and lows of sport years.
Now, that phase of my life has ended, I find myself in a sort of limbo. Its not like I didn’t know it was going to end some day, but somehow, I always thought when it did, I would know exactly what it is I wanted to do and I would just go ahead and move into it. No such luck. Part of the problem is, well, 2 parts of the problem is, I have so many interests. Which is both good and bad. Good, cos I’m rarely bored, but bad cos I just can’t choose an area to focus on. And secondly, letting go of something that has been a huge part of my life and history has been very, very difficult. It was what I did, it was what I was great at, it was all I knew. Now, Shinks needs to dig deep and find her other great talents and unfortunately they are not jumping out and slapping me in the face. Of course there have been ideas and suggestions but few of them excite, drive or motivate me in the same way my previous career did. And that has been my struggle for the past 2 years.
But in last couple of days I have been e-mailing with a good friend of mine. She too competed on the Irish track team and retired a couple of years before I did, so she is totally in sync with where I’m at. She said something in a message lately that has really helped. “Stop worrying, stop pushing, just relax and enjoy the process”. I know this piece of advice may seem a bit obvious, but to someone who is in the middle of “The Big Life Questions”, who is trying to hurry up and figure it all out…. its not. I can’t tell you how many times I am being asked, “So what are you doing now?” This alone can cause all kinds of anxiety and feelings of failure because I haven’t got the answer. So I pressure myself, I push myself and basically come down very hard on myself for not having it all worked out. So now its time to back off the self and relax about the whole thing. And that my friends is the New Year Resolution. Wow, talk about taking the scenic route to make a point.
So I am now just going to keep trying new things, come up with new ideas and enjoy the experience of it all.
And to my good friend Nicola Coffey, “Thank you for sharing your struggle and stating the obvious”.
(This is me on vacation in Bali a couple of months ago, having the craic with some locals. Why I included it? Cos it fits with my whole babble above about enjoying this tranistion phase I'm currently in.)
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